Day 6

Ava had a good day today. She is resting peacefully and hopefully growing bigger!

Day 5

Ava had a rough night last night. Ava's second brain scan turned out to be good, and her heart EKG showed that she didn't have a heart murmur. Praise God that she keeps looking healthy! We really want to hold her.

Day 4 - Out of the Hospital

I was able to leave the hospital today. I stayed later so I could see Ava before the shift change. What a pain in the butt it is to be wheeled up to the 4th floor where Ava is. I kept noticing that people still wouldn't smile around us. Every day they told us to take it hour by hour. The nurses kept telling me that it was going to be hard to leave the hospital without a baby in the car seat. It actually wasn't bad because I am just so happy she still is alive. The nurse wheeled me out and she said that she didn't want to tell me prior, but that she lost her baby. She also said that when she saw Ava in the NICU that she felt a peace there. That is what Rachel said too. I can feel it as well. I can feel that she is going to live and show everyone. The only thing that is getting me through this time is God, and some great bible verses like: Proverbs 3: 3-6, Jeremiah 29:11

Day 3

Ava is doing good again today. She came off the oscillator a bit onto the ventilator, but she went back on the oscillator. She was a little anxious today, so they may sedate her. We are hoping they can turn down her oscillator tonight.

I am so happy our little Ava is still alive...

Day 2 - We have another day!

Ava is doing better today. They want to get her off the oscillator and onto a ventilator but it hasn't happened yet. Anthony and I are so tired. I have to get up every 4 hours to pump Ava's milk, and I need to pump every 2 hours during the day. We are receiving lots of love from everyone. My friend Gabby's fiance even brought my pizza since dinner was plain noodles and a slab of meat. I have had many visitors and I don't think I have been this popular in my entire life. What a baby will do to people. =)

Day 1 - We Made It Through the Night!

Anthony stayed the night in the hospital and we awoke to realizing that since the NICU didn't call us, that Ava is still alive. She received a brain scan, and since the neonatologist's warned us that she could have blood on the brain after delivery, we were very excited to find out that her brain scan turned out fine. They still warned us that it could happen at any time, but that is still a very good sign. She seems to be doing well on the oscillator and we are hoping that they will put her on another ventilator that is not as hard on her body. The doctor's keep stating to us that this is a long road and we can't even get them to have a smile on their faces. We decided that her full name would be - Ava Maddison.

I told the nurses that I wanted to start pumping so the lactation nurse came and gave me a pump. I am so glad I can do that for her.

Day 1 - completed! Yeah!

The Birth of Ava

 Sunday, day three in the hospital came uneventful and I was watching "church" on the computer of Dr. Charles Stanley on "The Dark Moments in Our Life". I had a great nurse that day that I had prior who was friends with the bereavement nurse. Lunch came about 12:30pm and Anthony was taking the girls to Batavia to do some grocery shopping at Walmart. He wasn't planning on coming in that day. I ate lunch and decided to go the bathroom, despite that I didn't have to go too badly. I went and all of sudden I felt something falling out of me. I thought it was possibly another blood clot, so I tried to wipe it away. When it would go away, I looked in the mirror and saw that it was the cord - in a loop (not twisted), blue and red with veins. I walked back into my room and before I pressed the nurses button, I thought "here we go..." not knowing what was going to happen next.

Immediately the nurses ran into my room, and looked at the cord. They said it was and ran to get a bed to put me on to take me to the surgery room. The one nurse (she was so dear), had me lay down. They had me roll onto the stretcher bed, and the wheeled me down the hallway. The looks on everyone's faces will always be with me. I was calling Anthony at 1pm and he immediately dropped everything at Walmart, grabbed the girls and rushed to my parents. I was unable to get a hold of my parents at that time. Anthony eventually got a hold of them minutes from dropping the girls off. They wheeled me into the surgery room and the nurses took my phone, and I told them to call numbers 2 and 5 for Anthony and my parents. I will always remembered the dear nurse looking at me so upset and I asked her "Are you ok?" She then had to leave the room and I was left with a room full of people I didn't know. My obgyn was not there yet since it was a matter of minutes. Another doctor was going to perform the surgery. He knew of our situation. Meanwhile, I had a woman putting her hand, which felt like her whole hand up me, to keep the baby's head from landing on the cord. That was incredibly painful. She said that I was 2-3cm dilated. The doctor said to her "Why does that matter, we're doing a c-section." They put me on O2, and I heard them say that the baby had a heartbeat still. I was crying "My baby, my baby, take care of my baby." They also were very concerned that I had just eaten and they gave me some kind of fluid to drink. I heard the doctor say "What are those two other surgery lines?" Somebody said "Two prior c-sections." Which scared me since they already told him that. The anesthesiologist told me that they were going to put me under since they couldn't sit me up for an epidural or spinal. I heard that doctor say that they were going to make a vertical incision and I shouted "Don't do that because I have a hernia" and I really didn't want a vertical incision. I heard the anesthesiologist say to this girl next to me to hold my neck a certain way not knowing why. Then he put me under.

Ava was born at 1:14pm on January 24th. I immediately awoke after they woke me up. I was back in the game fast asking how my baby was. They remarked how fast and well I came out of anesthesia. They told me that a neonatalogist would be down to speak to us. Anthony was outside waiting for me. He made it from Batavia to Buffalo before 2pm. I remembered them telling me they fixed my hernia, which the doctor that did the surgery told me he never did. He thought that maybe another resident fixed it.

They rolled me into the recovery room, and I remember not feeling cold like I felt after the other prior c-sections. I also remember the surgery room was not as cold as the other room was. The nurse kept checking if my uterus was going down, and she kept jabbing at my stomach very hard. My throat was also very dry and raspy. They had put a tube to breath down my throat. That is why anesthesiologist was telling the girls to hold my neck as certain way. They were only allowing me to eat ice chips. Anthony came in and we waited to hear from the neonatalogist.

The neonatalogist came down and told us that when she was born that she barely moved. They took her upstairs and she was not taking the machine. He said that she had a 99.9% chance that she would live. I told him that it was still a 1% chance. He said "No, it's a one hundredth of a percent chance." I said, "That's still a .01% chance." I was arguing with him that she still had a chance. He said that we should prepare to hold her before she dies and to get whomever would want to hold her to get there asap. He told us that the "Lord was calling her back to him."

I called my parents to come to the hospital so they could hold her. They got a babysitter for the girls and came in to see us. Anthony's mom and husband were waiting outside. I also called a few friends, and I found out later, that within minutes they had a prayer chain going and were praying for Ava. We waited a bit, and the neonatalogist came back and said that she had taken the oscillator and was on that. He said we could come up and see her. He didn't know if she would make the night, so Anthony decided that he would stay the night.

They rolled me upstairs on the huge bed and I got to look at her tiny fragile body in the incubator. We were so happy she was alive and I still felt like she would make it. Especially because she was and is a fighter. My parents left in a bit and prayed over Ava. We also waited for the woman to come and baptize Ava. She came and poured some water over her, and we all prayed. Anthony's mom came up and she looked at the baby, ever so sadly.

I wanted to go to my room which they moved me to a spacious suite, which we later learned was a bereavement suite. Thankfully there was no bereaving. Anthony came down and we slept, although we were waiting for a call, not knowing if it would come.

Day 2 in the Hospital

Saturday came and I had another steroid shot in my booty - this time it really hurt. I didn't get much sleep and where they took my blood it was very bruised as well as where they tried to give me an IV the first time. I did have another blood clot come out which the nurse was finally able to verify that it was that. Our friend David came to visit me that day. Anthony also came later that day. Everything was pretty calm for that day and we were still hoping that we could get to 32 weeks.

The First Day in the Hospital

We went to the hospital on Friday, which happened to be Anthony's birthday. They set me up and Anthony left to work. The neonatalogist (who is now, one of Ava's doctors) came in and wanted to speak with both of us at the same time. I called Anthony and the doctor told us again of how serious the situation was. But we still had hope. I got one of the steroid shots in my booty that day, which didn't hurt that much. The nurses were very nice as well but they came in often so I was unable to get much sleep at night. Rachel brought me lunch and visited me as well as the bereavement nurse. I talked to the girls via Skype, which they loved. I also remembered that I could watch movies on my computer from Netflix. Anthony also came back up to visit me that night.

The Early Days

This blog is started for everyone who kindly asks how we're doing along with Baby Ava. Thank you to everyone that has helped out in so many ways. We can't thank you enough and hope that some day we can either pay it back or pay it forward. =)

Ava's story starts on Labor Day weekend when we find out on Labor Day that I'm pregnant. We just moved into our house about 15 days before this. New house = new baby. Same thing with our other home in Buffalo - New house = Alexandra. The house is pretty much not settled in, and I become pregnant. We are hoping that this pregnancy can be easy on all of us and will go more smoothly than the other 2.

At 6 weeks, I start to bleed and I go to my obgyn. I have bled during my other pregnancies around 7 or 8 weeks, but not as early as 6 weeks. I see a nurse practitioner who has me go and get a blood test to check my HCG levels. I have to get another test in 48 hours to see if the HCG levels go up. The NP calls me late on Friday afternoon to tell me that I "without a doubt" am going to have a miscarriage because my HCG levels didn't double within 48 hours. At that time the levels did go up (they were 7500), but she felt because they didn't double that I was going to miscarry. (Note - I have since found out from Doctor #2 that once HCG levels are beyond 2000, that you can't diagnose a miscarriage.)

I continued to bleed and was probably in the doctor's office every couple of days. At 12 weeks, the obyn office had me go to a specialist's office for a sonogram. I had been to her office with my two other pregnancies. They checked the baby for down syndrome and her nuchal fold (spine) was a good measurement and so was her nose bone. For the first time, she took my blood to see if there was a chance for down syndrome. A week later, the specialist called me to tell me that my blood came back that I was 1 out of 78 women to have a down syndrome baby. It doesn't mean that the baby does have down syndrome, it just means that there is a chance. Typically for my age, the stats are like 1 in 200 or something higher than that. The specialist was very concerned by this and wanted me to have an amniocentesis at 16 weeks or another test you can take at 12 weeks. I told her that I didn't want to risk the baby just to find out if the baby had downs. She wanted me to still come in for a sono at 16 weeks to discuss.

At 16 weeks, I went in and they tried to talk me into having an amnio. I told them no. They continued with the sonogram and they couldn't decide without a doubt that the baby didn't have downs. They had me in tears and were totally scaring me. They told me to return at 18 weeks and they should be able to get a good view of the heart. I am still bleeding at this point and did continue to bleed until 20 weeks and a bit afterwards. I also was very nauseous and sick until 20 weeks with this pregnancy. My poor children were tired of mommy being sick. They also planned on having an EKG of the baby's heart at 22 weeks.

Also later in my 16th week, (this actually happened 2x, the first time a week prior), I awoke in the early am to feeling a rush of liquid come out of me. I would get up just in time to hit the bathroom, before (warning - this is gross) an enormous amount of blood would hit the floor making the bathroom look like a murder occurred. The first time this occurred I went to my obyn to make sure the baby was ok - and she was. Both of these situations were incredibly scary, but I actually did have something close to these incidents occur with my other two pregnancies.

At 18 weeks, after hauling my two ladies all over the 4 Disney Kingdom's by myself, Anthony and I returned to the specialist for a sonogram. The sonographer barely spoke to us, so we knew that something was wrong. All she said to us was "Have you had a fever or been feeling sick at all?" I had not, but was feeling rather well. The specialist came in soon after and told me that all of the amniotic fluid was gone. Our poor baby was squished, but her heart beat was strong. We still did not know at this time if the baby was a boy or girl. The specialist proceeded to tell me that the baby could die at any time and gave me many of the risks that could happen to the baby. She then said the words that will forever be embedded in my heart "You should just end this pregnancy and start a new one." She also told me that if I were her daughter that is what she would tell me to do. But Anthony and I felt that if the baby's heart was going to give out that it would do it on it's own and that we could never end the pregnancy. We left that office with an extremely heavy heart. I had an obgyn appointment a bit later that afternoon, so we figured that they would have a plan of action for us.

At the obgyn office, my appointment ends up being with a nurse practitioner again and not a doctor. At this point of the pregnancy, I was 18 weeks and had only seen a doctor once despite being a high-risk pregnancy. This nurse practitioner even had to leave the room to get advice from a doctor.

A day later, I was speaking to a good friend of mine, and she suggested that I get a second opinion. She recommended her doctor, so I decided to call the next day to see if I could get an appointment. I called in the a.m. and got an appointment later that afternoon. Because Anthony was out of town for work, my friend went with me to the appointment. I got in that day to see the doctor and get a sonogram. The doctor told me that you can't decide that a pregnancy isn't viable based on one sonogram showing the loss of liquid. He told me that he would recommend getting a sonogram every week to check the levels. I decided to switch to this doctor since I could be seen right away and that he didn't believe that the prior specialist's word was the way it would go.

At 19 weeks and on Christmas Eve day, I returned to my new doctor to find out that the amniotic fluid had an increased to a level of 8. A typical fluid level is between 12 - 24. The doctor did say this was good and that a baby can be sustained to full term in that amount of liquid. They also said that they baby was a girl. Anthony felt as though they could be wrong since it was still hard to see.

At 20 weeks, and a week later, the fluid fell to a level of 4.

At 21 weeks, the sonographer couldn't get a measurement of fluid because it was so low. We were heartbroken but we still had hope. All this time, the baby's heartbeat is strong and is only measuring a bit smaller than normal. The heart had 4 chambers and there seemed to be amniotic fluid in the kidneys and stomach indicating that those organs were working.

At 22 weeks and on Monday morning about 4 am, I awoke to another rush of liquid. I ran to the bathroom to see clear fluid this time. The doctor had me get some PH test strips to test the fluid to see if it was positive for amniotic fluid. The fluid tested positive for amniotic fluid. I immediately called the doctor's line, and the other doctor called back. They said they would call me in the morning and that I didn't need to go to the ER. The next morning came and I still hadn't heard back from the obgyn. I called and begged them to check and make sure the baby was alive still. They told us to come in and they would check. We went in, and a doctor quickly checked to see that the baby had a heartbeat and that there still was no amniotic fluid. Afterward, my obgyn came in and said that my membranes probably had ruptured for sure. He wanted to do an internal exam and double check. He then checked with the PH test strips which came back positive for amniotic fluid. The obyn then proceeded to tell us that I would need to go into Millard Fillmore Suburban Hospital to have the baby as soon as possible or I would get an infection and lose my uterus.

We really couldn't believe that it would happen as fast as the doctor said and he wanted us to come in that night and deliver the baby. He told us that I would lose my uterus and Anthony became very worried since he was so concerned about me. The doctor even talked about us having another baby and if I lost my uterus we would need my mom to be a surrogate mother for us. I told the doctor that I could feel the baby kicking me right now and how was I supposed to go in a deliver her, feeling her alive. He replied that he could have them give me a spinal. I don't think he understood what I was talking about. We discussed what would happen and that I would deliver the baby on the labor and delivery floor of Millard Fillmore Suburban Hospital and they would induce me and I would push the baby out. We had to ask him a lot of questions since he was not telling us what would happen. I told him that I had seen women on the internet that had ruptured their membranes as well, and they were in the hospital. He didn't want to go that route and he said that because my membranes had ruptured so early that there was no way the baby would be viable even at 24 weeks. He did not want to wait the 10 days. He repeatedly told us that the baby would never be viable at any point. Finally, because I was exhausted and had a headache from crying, I told him that I wanted to go home and take a nap and then we would decide what to do. We figured this was the only option, so we said that most likely we would be doing this since we don't want myself to get sick and die like he described or lose my uterus. He said that after he had another surgery that we would call us at 5pm and then we would meet him at Suburban.

We left and I called my friend Jessica about the situation. She asked what would happen to the baby and I said that I didn't know. We didn't know what they were physically going to do with the baby after she was born. Being that Suburban does not even care for preemies of that early gestation. Jessica also wondered why he wouldn't send me to Sister's or Children's hospital since they can care for babies that premature. Jessica was racking her brain trying to think of something she could tell me that would help, and she then remembered our friend from MOPS, Rachel, who is an obgyn nurse out of Sister's.

After I got home and was in bed, I called Rachel and left her a message. She immediately called me back and said that she didn't think we had to go this route and that she was going to talk to the doctor in her office. I only had to wait a few minutes, until she called back to tell me that the doctor said that he has plenty of patients with the same situation and you don't have to go this route. He said we should just come to the hospital to get looked at. I immediately got up and told Anthony we were going to the hospital. I called my doctor to tell them that we were going and he told the nurse to tell me not to go to Sister's and that they would torture me there.

We still decided to go there, but the doctor basically said that if we went there, he would drop me as a patient. He did tell us he would get an appointment with the sonogram doctor to get a second opinion tomorrow. He called that doctor and got me an appointment. He called back and told us that doctor agreed with him, which we later found out wasn't true.

We were outside of Sister's at this point, so we went in and waited for Rachel. She told us that we should go into the ER and that she probably could get her doctor to take me on. At this point, we were so unsure of what to do, because you want to trust your doctor. Rachel tried to get her doctor to see me, but he was on a conference call. We decided to go home so I could get some rest.

We went home and I went to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up and went downstairs. In the meantime, my mother-in-law called and told Anthony to get me to the hospital. I also called Rachel and she said the same thing. She said that she could get me in with her doctor (whom I hadn't met yet) and he would take me on as his patient. She also called the other doctor that was on-call in Labor & Delivery. Since I felt better and ready to fight, we decided to go into Sister's.

We went in thinking they would just admit, so I had a bag packed and my parents had the girls. Sister's found at that time that I wasn't leaking fluid through the fern test and the PH strips and I also wasn't contracting. The baby's heartbeat was great but there still was no fluid. Since I had an appointment the next day for a sonogram, they told me to go home and come back for the appointment. We left relieved and happy that we didn't have to end the pregnancy that night.

That day (Monday, the January 11th) is one of the many miracles that has happened to keep Ava alive. It's also one of the reasons that has kept my faith that God wants Ava alive. It was the worst day of our lives, and the darkest. You could feel the evil of it, but the miracles that had to happen that day make it all worth while. Rachel (who rarely eats at her desk in the office) got my phone call on her cell, she caught her doctor just before he went into an all-day conference call to ask him his opinion. He also took me on as his patient without a question. Praise God for this day, despite how dark it was.

The next day we went to the sonogram appointment. That doctor told us there was very little fluid, virtually none, but the baby's heartbeat was strong. She told me the risks again if the baby was born soon - that she may not have any lungs and may not live. She did see some space for the lungs and they would for the next few weeks check to see if the heart took the whole space in the chest, meaning the lungs weren't growing. She also said that the baby would not be able to develop the sacs needed to breathe. She said that she would talk to my new obgyn and that they would probably admit me when I was 24 weeks, which was next week Saturday. She also said that they saw women every day with this problem, so that made me feel like was in the right place over the prior doctor. They set up appointment with my new obgyn for that Thursday where we would discuss our options.

That Thursday, we went in to see my new obgyn. I immediately liked him and he comes from the philosophy that everything is in God's hands. This is so much different than the other obgyn's. I never thought I would have to find a Christian doctor just to fight to keep my baby alive. He also warned me of the risks. I still felt that the baby was going to live. I never doubted. I was going to get two rounds of steroid shots for the baby's lungs. He told us that they would admit me at 24 weeks until I had the baby. He said that we could come in that Saturday, or if we wanted to wait, even that Monday. He then suggested possibly coming in that Friday to get things going. He said that we could discuss next Thursday at my next appointment.

We also spoke with a wonderful woman who does counseling and bereavement counseling. She listened to us and told us where our prior doctor was coming from. That most doctors don't want to see us go through the terrible situation. She also gave us some materials about making difficult decisions and preemies with immature lungs.

The week went by quickly since I purchased an iBook so I could work while I was in the hospital and I needed to set it up and also pack. We celebrated Anthony's birthday and Ariana's half birthday. I was losing fluid every day, but not large amounts. I did have a very large blod clot come out, which I had no idea what it was and it scared me.

The next day I went to the obgyn appointment. My doctor was off because his wife just had a baby. I saw the nurse practitioner and we planned on coming into the hospital the next day. She did have to find out when we were supposed to come in. Later that day she called and said that we should be in at 9am.