Today was a pretty good day for Ava. She got some calories added to my milk - only two, but it will help. The doctor said that they will add probably 4 tomorrow. Sometimes adding the calories can upset their stomachs, but she was fine with the 2. She did lose some more weight due to the steroids.
The amplitude on her vent is down to 15, which is good, but her O2 is still up in the 70s (room air is in the 20s). The mean is at 11. Her lungs still need so much help. When I was in today her saturation was in the 60s and 70s. It got me kinda sad today like we aren't going to get out of this situation. I spoke to the new doctor today that will be on for 3 weeks during the day. Talking to the doctors is pretty horrible. When the doctor spoke to me, he made me cry. The nurse says he always makes the mom's cry. It wasn't like he was mean, he is so negative. He listed all the reasons that Ava should have brain damage - all the MULTIPLE reasons. Today is an emotional day for me. I feel like my heart is breaking. I want to hold Ava so badly. The doctor said that he was going to keep her on the oscillator for awhile and not got to the ventilator. So, it looks like, A - we need a miracle to get her off that machine fast, or B - she will be on a c-pap (they just put those tubes in her nose with O2) which could be a long time. Trying to get answers out of the doctor is hard too. He told me that he was happy with today's progressions, but she still is on such high O2. He hopes that in a month she is off of the oscillator - what if she's not by then? I just need to remember Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Today was really hard to do that. I probably just need some sleep. The other thing that happened that made me sad was that a girl that had her baby Sunday was able to come and hold her baby. It's hard having the smallest, and seems to be the only baby on the oscillator in the whole NICU, and being so in love with her.
Anthony is finally home today from being away since Monday. Hopefully the weather isn't bad and we can go see Ava tomorrow.
Happy Birthday Ava - I hope I can say that to you when you're 1!
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